Saturday, 17 October 2015

Mark Scrivener Poetry Blog No 94 Afternoon Clouds


AFTERNOON CLOUDS

This poem, like a previous one- "End of Day", is based on the form of Japanese "Linked Verse". It is composed of renga- a short poem of two stanzas - the first or hokku later led to the more well-known haiku form. It has three lines of 5-7-5 sound units (or in English acoustic syllables) and the second of two lines has 7 and 7. Here the form is used as a lyrical device - it is not a proper linked poem as that would have to have been written by two poets taking turns. Nevertheless, the form helps to focus imagery and can still incorporate a sort of statement-and-response feeling- both in the relationship between individual renka and within each renka between the first and second stanza.
Late winter and early spring on the north coast of NSW is often a dry period. Clouds appear and then vanish without bringing rain. Yet time passes and usually the cold and dry of winter is replaced by the warmth and rains of summer. In the poem the wind is late in winter (i.e. towards the end of winter) and the swallow is "early" as it is there before spring has started. I would like to acknowledge comments on the Linked-In group "We Write Poetry" that prompted some small revisions to the text.




AFTERNOON CLOUDS

Long afternoon clouds
shade browning winter hills with
drifting, lazy patches,

White cloud mountains break blue sky.
Grey cloud islands grace air's sea.

Fainter clouds rise, fly
High from the south. Blue gums sway.
Black crows ride cold wind.

Clouds drift by. No storm. No rain.
Grey deserts late sky of day.

Early swallow gliding
on late-winter wind begins
auguries of spring.

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